A Good Fit

A Good Fit

Let me back up. Before talking about my expectations for therapy, maybe I should mention how I found my therapist. This is often a big undertaking! Prior to starting therapy for the first time, we often have to overcome inhibitions about wanting or needing therapy. A lot of factors go into having a positive experience in therapy. One of the most curative factors in therapy is the relationship between the therapist and the client. It is essential to find a good fit!

Personally, I remember the exact moment I decided to seek help. I was in Egypt standing at the base of the pyramids—taking in one of the seven wonders of the world—and feeling profoundly lonely that I had no one to share it with. I had been living abroad for some time, and in that moment, I knew I wanted to come home and get to work on my inner life. I felt strongly that if I didn’t work on my inner life and build the resources I needed to learn how be in a healthy relationship, I would spend my life alone or repeating patterns in dissatisfying relationships.

Let’s be honest, sometimes it takes time to act on our epiphanies. At least a year passed between that moment of startling insight at the pyramids and my first therapy session. Initially, l knew I wanted help but I didn’t know how to get help. Coincidentally, I met a young woman who had been open to me about working with a therapist. I remember being impressed by how smart she was (Harvard educated!), but also how anxious. I remember thinking to myself that if this therapist could help her, maybe she could help me, too.

I always recommend people go with their gut when selecting a therapist. Pay attention to how you feel about them while looking at their website or reading their biography or looking at their Psychology Today profile, or how you feel around them sitting in their office, having that first conversation. Don’t discount those urges or feeling drawn towards or pushed away from someone. It doesn’t have to make rational sense!

I remember vividly sitting in that first consult as a client and thinking to myself that while I didn’t really like this therapist sitting in front of me—I thought she could help me. I even remember thinking that not liking her might be a good thing for me. If I had liked her, I reasoned at the time, I may have wanted her to like me and have had a difficult time being honest about what was going on for me. As counterintuitive as all that sounds, my gut reaction was dead on. Over time I grew to like her, and she did really help me. I stuck with that therapist and the rest is history…